21 July 2005

Send in the clowns, oh please....

Last Saturday I noticed a throng of young children hiding in my back yard. I went out back and asked them what was wrong. Little Timmy, my neighbor’s young son answered:

“We wath at my birthday party, and then a clown shown up. Clowns are scawy!”

“Timmy,” I gently chided, “You shouldn’t be afraid of clowns. Clowns are filled with delicious candy, much like a piñata.” I handed each child a bat.

“Shouldn’t we have blindfolds?” Timmy asked suspiciously. Say what you'd like about him, the little bugger is smart. It’s going to get him into a lot of trouble some day.

“No Timmy. Clowns are much faster than piñatas. In fact, I’d have a go at his knees first, slow him down, you know, then bust him open.”

I retired to my hammock, to await the sweet sounds that were to waft softly through the summer air. As it turned out, there was nothing soft about the sounds, but they faded quickly, and soon the kids returned.

“He wasn’t filled with candy,” said little Timmy indignantly. “He was filled with blood and gookey stuff!”

“Oh dear,” I replied sadly. “I guess he wasn’t a very good clown, was he?”

They all nodded sagely.

“Tell you what, kids, keep the bats. There’ll be other birthday parties soon, and maybe there’ll be some better clowns!”

You should have seen their little faces light up! God, I love passing knowledge and wisdom on to the younger generation.

In fact, I’d be a teacher, if the school board hadn’t obtained that damned restraining order.

Come to think of it, school board members are also filled with candy. Hey kids!

Legal Disclaimer: My counsel has advised me to point out that this is a humour site, and that I in no way advocate acts of violence towards humans, animals, or even plant life.

Clowns, of course, fit into none of these categories, and therfore may still be beaten with impunity.


And that's the way I likes it.