18 August 2005

An open letter to the biggest idiot I have seen in a long time.

First of all, you purchased a vehicle that can only be ridden by assuming the posture of someone actively buggering a groundhog. While most people would find this to be intensely embarrassing, you revel in the fact that the earsplitting shriek of the two stroke motor (again, reminiscent of a groundhog in mid-bugger) draws attention to your apparent proclivity for animal, erm, husbandry.

Yes, you are indeed “kewl”. After all, Shriners ride those things in parades, and they are only an evolutionary step or two above mimes.

Secondly, you declined to wear a helmet, as you felt it would mess up your porcu-doo. Nice one, Sonic the Hedgehog.

Finally, you thought it might be fun to tear through the loading area of a an engineering firm. I guess you didn’t see the fork lift tines. Too bad about your minimoto and the nasty road rash you ended up with.

I would like to repeat my words of consolation, in case you were too shaken up at the time to recall them:


By the way, you left some blood on my pavement. If you’d be so kind as to come back and clean it up, I’d be happy to paint your scratches with iodine.

From Advert: “A 39cc two-stroke engine gives you the feel and throb of a real power.” NO! It bloody does not! My chain saw has a larger motor and I seldom get a feel or a throb from it. Next time, stay at home and two stroke something else, retard.

And that's the way I likes it.