02 August 2005

Speed Demon


Speeding is still fun in the revolted colonies. It may be difficult for many readers to understand just how much empty space there is between cities. Unfortunately, most people tend to obey the speed limits despite the lack of repercussions. To me, this irritating sense of propriety is a red cape and only encourages me to drive like a complete and utter idiot.

“Jesus is coming to take us home!” I imagine my law abiding brethren saying as I come up from behind them at warp 90, with headlights set on "vapourize".

"Apparently, Jesus drives a Maroon step side 2004 Dodge Ram 1500 pick-up with a 5.7L Hemi and is rather lead footed.” They might add to themselves if their background in theological mechanics is rigorous enough to identify the chariot of the Lord.

When I pass them, I can also imagine them saying: “Thank goodness. We Live! Jesus is after the devil worshiping fucktard in the Ford Tempo in front of us. Never Liked Fords; tools of the Satan, they are.”

Either way, they move to the right and let me pass.

Obviously, in the battle betwixt good and evil, I am small potatoes. But I’ll take any advantage that gets me home before the beer warms up.

And that's the way I likes it.