18 October 2005

Well, why the Hell are Evil Geniuses so thick?

Twenty Major is off on a tear, and once again he’s right as rain. Too many so called “Evil Geniuses” are guilty of the rankest stupidity, vapidity and self-aggrandizement.

I place the blame firmly on academia. For far too long, so-called “Evil Professors” have been lowering the bar to make themselves look better. What are these twit’s qualifications? Ooh, they’ve slept with their students. They’ve fudged data to show that SUV’s help the environment… Big, freakin’ deal.

I’ve slept with their students too, and written reports that prove that asbestos is a great additive for asthma inhalers. Does that make me evil? No, but inventing the zombie drug that forces elderly people to become War-mart greeters, when inside they desperately yearn for escape so that they can return to their homes and tell those damn kids to STAY OFF THEIR LAWN! … well, that’s a step in the right direction. So is convincing War-mart to put a restaurant in front of their registers because every customer must want to eat in the same place where they buy their underwear.

And don’t get me started on how to handle law enforcement. Jesus, people, when the “double-O” types come for you, all you gotta do is shoot them in the back and bung their corpses into quick-lime, lava or your laboratory black hole. Don’t, for evilness sake, reveal your entire plan, then leave him dangling over piranhas/rotating saw blades/Michael Jackson while your strumpet looks on in pity. That’s just begging for an escape, plan foiling and an eventual 9mm/lava/liquid helium high colonic.

No, if you really must indulge in that touchy-feely exposé crap, save it for Oprah.

Or better yet, send in an Evil Scientist robot and have it blow up the whole damn set.


El Barbudo responds:

Well it's all your fucking fault Dr Evil fucking Scientist. Evil geniuses (geniui?) get as far as they do because of their charisma and the force of their personality. Then they get the scientist to do the actual work of creating the lethal virus/killer ray/poodle. The Evil Scientist, who may be a great deal more intelligent, is just a follower who acts on instructions and has no fucking personality whatsoever.You have to remember Dr E, there are those who say "build me a world destroying killer poodle" and there are those who build them. Where are your fucking leadership skills? You're weak Dr E; weak I say!

And that's the way I likes it.