21 November 2005

Pre-slimed bog paper. Now that's a grand idea....

With Aloe and vitamin E lotion? I’m all for a soft, clean wipe; after all, no one wants to use that abrasive, yet water soluble, brownish prison bum wipe. So if the bog paper giants want to get into a multi-layer/softness war, I’m all for it.

But, lotion? No. I don’t want my paper pre-slimed. If anyone is going to slime it, it’s going to be me, a few sheets at a time.

I suppose that the vitamin E would keep one’s ring piece soft and lovely. Maybe there is a bungalow-beauty pageant circuit, or perhaps third-eye catalog models who need this treatment, but I can’t see that being a huge market.

So, what about the Aloe?

Let’s face it, Aloe is for burns. If you feel the need for Aloe, you are wiping way too fast. Slow down, sparky! Only you can prevent fur-ass fires.

Beides, if you do smell smoke, you are sitting scant inches above a pool of cool, cool water. Physician, dunk thyself.

And that's the way I likes it.