30 November 2005

So many morons, so few comets.

“Would you like to take a free personality test?” Asked the Chipper Young Thing™.

If you ask me, Chipper Young Things™ deserve to be made mulch with a wood chipper, if they impede my morning hunt for the nearest coffee. I grunted and tried to juke past it, but it deftly blocked my path.

“Sir-this-test-is-free-and-will-only-take-a-few-minutes-and-will-make-your-mind-visible!” It blurted.

I briefly thought about making its brain visible, but there was a policeman not too far away.

Plan B; torture.

“This is that diuretics thing?” I asked.

Dianetics Sir, You see it’s the science of freeing the mind…”

“You people are the ones that worship Xena Warrior Princess, right? I must say that your goddess is well endowed topside.” I interrupted. You gotta keep them off track, or they’ll finish their spiel.

Xenu, Sir” It said with an earnest frown. “And we don’t worship him; Xenu is the root of all evil!”

“THE LOVE OF MONKEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL, YOU TWIT!” I roared. “AND QUITE POSSIBLY AIDS AND EBOLA!”

People were starting to stare, and sweat beaded the CYT’s forehead.

“No, you see, Xenu is an evil entity and he chained these spirits to a volcano, and… Well that’s not important, about the test…”

“Say, isn’t this the test where you get classified as ENTJ, INTQ, SMTP SLUT and whatnot?” I interjected.

“Er, yes.”

“Oh, I’ve taken that test.”

“Ah, I see.” It replied. “And what did it say you were?”

“ANUT”


And that's the way I likes it.