08 December 2005

The Duke of Normandy went to England, and all I got was this lousy tee shirt, which is now festooned with his internal organs.

This one comes from Tony T and is far too amusing/grotesque to not post for you to read while eating. That sort of restraint would be indicative of a man with far more class than I shall ever possess.

William the conqueror blimped out quite a bit in the end. You see, after the hard work of hacking up Harold and his army, selling the Saxon gentry into slavery and instituting a truly modern tax system, all that was left was to make fun of the Northerner’s broad vowels by hacking Geordies to death (a tradition that still lives on with today’s Royals) porking out on bangeurs et mashe, and hitting the Boddington’s rather heavily.
So when he snuffed it on that scorching August of 1087, he was blessed with prodigious girth and his gut was packed with all sorts of goodies for his intestinal fauna to nibble on..

When the clergy tried to stuff him in his sarcophagus, they determined that one side does not fit all.

They tried pushing and shoehorning, oiling and tamping, but, alas; in their carelessness they popped chubby Bill and he detonated. This pretty much cleared the chapel of mourners.

These days, you wouldn’t get to enjoy such a scene. Going out with a bang and showering one’s mourning subjects with gobbets of used King is just the sort of panache that the Royal Family now so sadly lacks.

I mean, just imagine what Di could have done to those paparazzi.

And that's the way I likes it.