23 December 2005

Merry Christmas!

People of other faiths, please translate my well wishes for you onto the festive holiday of your choosing.

For myself, I will be celibrating the birth of Jesus (conveniently relocated to the nearest pagan feast day) in the traditional manner of my Irish ancestors by invoking St. Cirhosis of Liver to bless this slanty shanty and to get into arguments with my relatives that must be resolved by the Police (the lot with guns, not the pseudo-hippy 80's band. "Da-doo-doo-dah", my large pasty, pimply, white, redneck left arse cheek!).

I will not be following the practices of my more remote ancestors, as their customs involved dancing naked in the forest, human sacrifice, canibalism and voting Tory; all of which I've sworn off for Lent.

UPDATE! I've just been informed that Lent was over around Easter. Apparently I've wasted the last few months on a futile gesture.

UPDATE NUMBER 2!!! I did not mean to racially disparage in any way, my my large, pimply, black, redneck right arse cheek, it's just that the pimples show up better against the pasty white one.

UPDATE NUMBER 3!!!! Sod it, you bastards! I know, it's not Christmas yet, but, I plan on being incoherent in an hours time, and recover conciousness some time next year. Do you want me to be posting then? I didn't think so.

And that's the way I likes it.