25 January 2006

Hate Mail and Annonopussies.

Well, except for a clown related hate mail from the berk down the road, I've not had a single hate mail or troll comment. This situation must change immediately, so I've taken it upon myself to expound my views and provide some of my background history.

1. I invented "Clippy"

2. I also invented the "Teletubbies"

3. I am the one that changed Newcastle from the charming bucolic paradise of yesteryear to the mutagenic hell hole of Geordie chavism that it is today (Look, I said I was sorry, OK? Christ, you’d think that re-arranging peoples DNA without their consent was a crime or something).

4. Ditto Newark, but Porcu-doed, fake-tanned, bling wearing, fake Armani suit clad "guidos" rather than chavscum.

5. I am the "Karl Rove" of the Absolute Monarchist party ("Vote for me, and you'll never have to go through the hastle of voting again!"™)

6. I've a larger arse than Ted Kennedy, but my car floats.

7. I believe that there is no job that can be performed with a hand tool, that cannot be performed better with a power tool.

8. My idea of of a power tool:

9. My ideal woman is a cross between Dame Thatcher and Condi Rice, with a little bit of the non-bitchy side of Hillary Clinton tossed in, but in the body of Halle Berry.

Oh, yes, it wouldn't hurt if she were a nymphomaniac and had a baldness fetish.

10. I look like Michael Moore, all rolled into one.

Well, there you have it. If that doesn't generate some hate mail, I don't know what will.

And that's the way I likes it.