03 April 2006

A few observations on the way to work

A new business was gone in next to us, by the name “ReXam”. Their permanent sign is not ready, so they have a giant banner.

"ReXam" seems to be a poor choice for a company name. Maybe it’s just me, but the name “ReXam” conjures up disturbing images of rubber gloves, hospital gowns and pained grunting.

So I shall steal the banner as soon as it gets dark enough.

I also saw a lot of kids waiting for the bus, wearing naught but tee shirts and shorts. It was raining with a few snow flakes and way too cold, but I already know the answer to this one: “I don’t wanna look like a doofus!”

Is there some sort of “daylight saving” time-table that says teenagers must not, under any circumstances, leave the house with clothing other than items that look like cheese cloth undergarments, after a certain date? And who is on the committee that sets this fashion faux-pas deadline? IT’S SNOWING! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, PUT YOUR DAMN COAT ON! IT COST $250!

“We're n-n-n-n-n-not c-c-c-c-old!” is the response from the blue-skinned and shivering primates. “We're old and s-s-s-smart enough to d-d-d-dress myself!”

Erm, no.

You are demonstrably not smart enough.

We still have hopes (they are fading somewhat) that you might some day recover from teenagehood, but right now, left to your own devices you’d be hanging by your tail from the walnut tree, peeling fruit with your feet.

I insist. Coats are reluctantly accepted, albeit with much grumbling. I get the “oppressor” scowl, but I do not care. In fact, I cackle maniacally, letting them know that being a capricious tyrant is how I get my jollies. I am Ming the Merciless.

"And get a damn haircut!" I shout as they slouch away. "You look like hippies!"

And that's the way I likes it.