05 April 2006

Something will have to be done.

And I’m just the person to ignore it. I’m too busy, you see. I made the mistake of watching the young’uns play Oblivion, and decided to try it myself.

“But you’re playing on our machine, with our game DVD!” comes the inevitable moans.

“Well, boo-bloody-hoo! Would you like me to call a Waaaambulance?” I say in a stern, but fair, patrician manner. I firmly believe that it is the responsibility of adults to teach children to act maturely. However, since I can’t teach to save my life, I settle for taunting.

I will be in big trouble when they get larger, or ever get enough money to afford goons of their own.

“Besides, you need to mow the lawn.” I add, not taking my eyes from the screen. I have just killed a goblin and am looting the body.

It occurs to me that I might be a nerd.

“But there’s three inches of snow on the ground!” They protest.

“Well, a couple of days ago, you lot were willing to go to school wearing naught but Speedos. Get out there, shovel the grass and then mow the lawn”. I wave them away.

“Shoo!” They shoo, grumbling about how unreasonable I am, but this is for their own good.

Honestly, kids these days have no problem solving skills and no grounding in reality. If they can’t figure out how to mow a snow covered lawn, they’d never be able to figure out how to unlock the Marvish trapped Hell-gates of the Temple of Xardoz in the grand ruins of the Googlish city of Quim


SafeT comes up with a better solution:

"See, I would've salted the lawn. But my problem solving skills always have a tint of jackboot in them. Luckily your children don't take after your evil ways, Dr E, or else their problem solving skills might lead them to an eventually bleached wood chipper and a suspiciously evil mulch pile."

It's a good thing the kids don't have SafeT's reasoning skills, or I wouldn't be able to play their video games at all.

And that's the way I likes it.