11 May 2006

Ivan responds:

“Well, fiiiiiinally! Congratulations on coming out at last. I
mean, it's not as if we hadn't all guessed, but we're proud that you feel strong enough and secure enough with yourself to admit it...Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go have some proper sex.

With a lady.”
Ivan the terrible, 09MAY2006

As everyone at work has now seen Bob’s video and some are wearing the tee shirts he had made up (my God! I look like Joe Cocker without hair) I’m getting a lot of half-witty comments along this line. My new nickname seems to be “Not-so Tiny Tim”.

But, I’ll have you know that with the exception of a couple of mandatory prison flings, (Bubba, the 28 stone Harley Biker sex offender insisted) I much prefer proper sex (with a lady), as would the manageress of the karaoke bar.

And I don’t have a problem with that. Oh, I find the whole man-man thing difficult to understand as it provides no biological advantage, other than ease of storage; what with them being stackable when lost in passionate ardor. However, I don’t buy this as a biological imperative, since Mother Nature never struck me as a neatness freak, as she’s always dropping twigs and leaving dead wombats and stoned hippies lying about.

But the women-women thing doesn’t seem too bad to me, nor does it to most men that I’ve polled on this issue. This illustrates a fundamental difference between the sexes: Men have no problem dispassionately watching lesbian love scenes (in the interest of furthering science) whereas women simply wonder why they married us, other than the fact that we can unjam the garbage disposal.

And the minute some berk lets out the secret that all one needs to do that is a 3/16 inch Allen wrench and a length of half inch pipe, the human race will go extinct.

And that's the way I likes it.