17 July 2006

I decide to go hiking, Part two…

Only to be called back by Ray’s distraught wife, Nadine. It seems that Ray went deer hunting that morning and could I keep an eye out for him?

I was not particularly surprised. Ray is not the type that is overly burdened with the brand of ethics that would tie him to observing hunting regulations. This has gained him several wormy off season deer and a few thousand dollars in fines.

“Sure” I said. More fool me.

The woods in these parts are third or fourth growth, making for mean, scrubby trees that do not provide total shade. This allows for a cancerous growth of hawthorns and brambles. I should have been able to hear Ray from his anguished wails, but there was naught but an eerie silence.

I walked for mile upon mile. I called out to him… What? It was too miles!

Be that way. I’m not that out of shape!

Fine.

After a few hundred feet into the woods, I finally heard a plaintiff whine.

“That you, Ray?” I called out.

“Thank God!” Came a croak. “I’m all tangled up. I’ve been shooting three shots in the air as a distress signal, but no one came. I’m almost out of arrows!”

Yeah. It was Ray.

“Where the Hell are you?” I asked.

“In the hawthorn thicket with my buck.” He called back.

“Why did you shoot a buck in that mess?”

“I didn’t. I dragged him in here.”

“???”

“Well, I has dragging him by his hind legs, but his antlers kept getting all tangled up. So I thought it would be easier to drag him by the antlers and it was, but then I was getting further and further from home. I ended up in here.”

I could see him about this time. He was well and truly stuck. I freed the deer and started to drag it home. Ray called me a bunch of nasty things, but soon I was out of earshot.

Nadine saw me and hurried down the hill.

“Did you see Ray?” She asked nervously.

“Yeah, he’s back in the hawthorns, throwing a fit” I said.

“WHAT?! YOU LEFT MY HUSBAND HELPLESS AND DRAGGED A DEAD DEER HOME INSTEAD?”

“Well, yeah. I thought about which to do first, but I figured that no one in their right mind would steal Ray.”

She had no answer to that.


And that's the way I likes it.