19 October 2006

They Booted My Car!


This isn’t the same type of car boot that you ultraviolent Brits are so fond of stuffing dead bodies into, this is a car immobilizer. And just because I had a few dozen unpaid parking tickets!

Bastards! Arse-fiddling bum-monkeys! Vile Meter-Nazi Scum!

In retrospect, I guess those home-made diplomatic plates were not such a good idea. But $450 to get the damn boot off? That’s highway robbery!

After all, I can buy a plasma cutter for less.

Sadly, the manufacturers of the car immobilizer have thought of this too and I couldn’t very well go home with a $450 ticket and a brand new plasma cutter.

Hmmm. I took a good look at the car boot rod that went through the tyre. Turns out it wasn’t a rod that went through at all...just a hook that grabbed the inside of the rim. By prying the top plate back and holding it open with my big toe, I was just able to get the cutting torch inside the car. I could cut off the lug bolts! I’ld pop the booted wheel off, borrow one lug bolt from each other wheel, pop on the spare, then drive off, leaving the booted wheel for the perplexed and none-too-bright Meter-Nazi.

Egad, I’m brilliant!

Now, you’ld think that the sight of a fat man alternately cackling and cursing (when the sparks burned my toe) whilst cutting off a car boot with a plasma torch would garner some attention, and normally you’ld be right. But this is central Pennsyltucky and we are used to such sights.


I completed the rest of the tasks and hopped into the car only to find to my horror that the Meter-Nazis had disabled the ignition!

And changed the colour of my upholstery!

And left a bunch of tacky beanie babies in the rear window!

Erm, that’s right, I drove the truck today.

Sorry, Judith Wheaton, whomever you are.

And that's the way I likes it.